Intense fear of dating


It's time to hang onto the handrail, palms sweating, heart racing, and brace yourself for the wild ride down. It is programmed into the nervous system and works like an instinct.

From the time we're infants, we are equipped with the survival instincts necessary to respond with fear when we sense danger or feel unsafe. It makes us alert to danger and prepares us to deal with it.

But deep down, you know that this relationship isn’t fulfilling your needs (or your partner’s, for that matter). In short, fixing FOBU means manning up—and breaking up.

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He knows that I'm pretty inexperienced, and that I've never had sex, and he's already told me that he's not one to push, and he's fine with waiting for the sex stuff. And while I want to as well, it also scares me cause I worry that the relationship will be all about the physical stuff, and he won't care about me as a person. I've dated a bit, but nothing has ever gone anywhere.Only ever kissed maybe three times, and that's the extent of my physical experience. Our second date we kissed, and it was lovely, if not a little scary for me, just cause he was a little intense about it. And I'm even more worried about it cause he's 7 older than me. Our partners at How About We are untangling a misery-inducing condition called FOBU, or fear of breaking up.How they define it:"You’ve been dating for at least a year. You’ve spent at least one holiday with each others’ families and have attended weddings and other life milestones as a couple. While you’d expect expert advice to tell you to work through a rough patch in your relationship, the cure for this condition is a lot like ripping off a Band-Aid. Avoiders believe that they must rely on themselves alone to meet their own needs The buried traumas of the past let avoiders function pretty effectively in their daily lives, at least at the surface.

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